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Subject: Fwd: Ramblings Of A Retired Mind

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell
phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one.
So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.

I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they
call blue teeth, I think.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that
people didn't like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands
on beer cans!

I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you
still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.'

I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call it
'Pumping Rust'.

I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is
falling into your drawers!

When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you
got a cat?' Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!'

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in
case of an emergency. I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor'!

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me. They were cramming for their
finals. As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.

Enjoy Your Days & Love Your Life, Because Life is a journey to be

Gentle Thoughts for Today -

Birds of a feather flock together . .. . .and then poop on your car.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by
then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's
really in trouble..

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS'
together it spells 'Theirs...'

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about
your age and start bragging about it.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people
to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads
weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth,
think of Algebra.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is
such a nice change from being young. Ah, being young is beautiful, but
being old is comfortable.

Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my
mouth . . . AMEN!


Premium Member
13,069 Posts
One of my favorites is from the late George Burns when asked during an interview: "Isn't sex dangerous at your age?" Mr. Burns replied "If she dies, she dies!"


Thanks, Tommo....I needed a funny..
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