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The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.

' Hallo, Mr.. Sarkozy!' a heavily accented voice said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare , Ireland .
I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you! We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty!'

'Well, Paddy,' Sarkozy replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army?'

'Right now,' says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eleven!'

Sarkozy paused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.'

'Begoora!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to ring you back.'

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!'

'And what equipment would that be Paddy?' Sarkozy asks.

'Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor.'

Sarkozy sighs amused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke.'


'Saints preserve us!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to get back to you.'

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!'

Sarkozy was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!'

'Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!' says Paddy, 'I will have to ring you back.'

Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. 'Top o' the mornin', Mr. Sarkozy! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.'

'Really? I am sorry to hear that,' says Sarkozy. 'Why the sudden change of heart?'

'Well,' says Paddy, 'we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and packets of crisps, and we decided there is no way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.'
 

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lol, Irish pride at its best. :grin:
 

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Offical French battle flag......


You heard about the new French battle tank,....1 speed forward, 6 speeds in reverse.......
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Miller Tyme said:
Offical French battle flag......


You heard about the new French battle tank,....1 speed forward, 6 speeds in reverse.......
Haha, I heard that one before.
The sad thing is I'm of French decent on both sides, but it's Cajun French, we're a little different. We were the wild ones that got kicked out of Canada. :50cal:
 

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As an American, I always loved jokes about the French.

http://www.time.com/time/world/article/ ... 26,00.html

But I guess it's not just us. I was always curious, however, where the animosity comes from and the history of the jokes. Obviously we have had our modern day issues with them such as the "Freedom Fries" incident in 2003-4ish, but even before then the French seemed to always do their own thing such as during the oil crisis in the 1970's. Dating back farther we have the second world war and I remember talking to an airborne ranger who was in Germany at the end of the war. He told me that the Germans, upon hearing of the surrender, gathered in the streets the next day to rebuild their country brick by brick while the rest of France laid in ruin waiting for Americans to build it back up for them (Of course, this is one man's opinion.) I find it humorous that a country that we owed greatly to in aid of our own revolution and whos own politics were subsequently affected by it would be the butt end of many of our jokes today.

My favorite (an oldie, but goodie) :

An officer in the U.S. Naval reserve was attending a conference that included admirals from both the U.S. Navy and the French Navy. At a cocktail reception, he found himself in a small group that included personnel from both navies. The French admiral started complaining that whereas Europeans learned many languages, Americans learned only English. He then asked: "Why is it that we have to speak English in these conferences rather than you speak French? Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied: "Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you would not have to speak German." The group became silent.
 

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My all time favorite joke about the French came from a German friend of mine. We were going to England for new years in 1984. We road the train from Mannheim to the channel and then a fairy over to England. For best effect imagine a heavy German accent from a 67 year old man.
We stopped at the French border around 4:00 PM. My freind casually looks out the window at a tree lined country road, and says, " Feldwebel, do you know why the French plant trees beside the road? Becouse the German Army hates to walk in the Sun!!!!" I still laugh when I think about that. :bd: :banana:
 

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leadvagas said:
My all time favorite joke about the French came from a German friend of mine. We were going to England for new years in 1984. We road the train from Mannheim to the channel and then a fairy over to England. For best effect imagine a heavy German accent from a 67 year old man.
We stopped at the French border around 4:00 PM. My freind casually looks out the window at a tree lined country road, and says, " Feldwebel, do you know why the French plant trees beside the road? Becouse the German Army hates to walk in the Sun!!!!" I still laugh when I think about that. :bd: :banana:
lol, there is partial truth to that, except Napoleon was the one who started that tradition; planting those trees for his troops. :grin:
 
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