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One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot
as a Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.
 

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Sleeve Gesture Sharing Violet Formal wear



A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. ... The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. .

The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this...when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.

She sat down under a sign that said, ‘The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.

But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!' .... I just lost it!
 

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Trust

There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband. For example...
A wife comes home late at night, and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.
She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Leaving the covered bodies groaning, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
"Hi Darling", he says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom.
Did you say "hello"?
 

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Fifty bucks is fifty bucks

A husband and wife went to a fair and a helicopter is there giving rides for $50. The husband says to the wife he wants to go for a ride. The wife says “no, fifty bucks is fifty bucks”.

The next year the husband and wife went to the fair again. A helicopter is there again giving rides for $50. The husband says to the wife he wants to go for a ride. The wife says “no, fifty bucks is fifty bucks”.

The following year the husband and wife go to the fair again. A helicopter is there again giving rides for $50. The husband says to the wife that he is 80 years old and if he does not go for a ride now he may never go. The husband and wife are he and sheing. The pilot overhears them arguing and says “I’ll tell you what I’ll do. If neither one of you says a word, I will take both of you for a ride for free”.

So the husband and wife go for a helicopter ride. Both the husband and wife do not say a word. So the pilot does acrobatics and still no word out of either one.

The pilot lands the helicopter and says to the husband “I am surprised you did not say a word”. The husband says “To tell you the truth, when my wife fell out, I almost said something. But fifty bucks is fifty bucks”.
 
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