Danger Will Robinson!! ****SAT WARNING*****
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    Danger Will Robinson!! ****SAT WARNING*****

    There was a mad scientist who hated to do menial household chores. In particular, he hated kitchen-related chores such as dishes, putting away groceries, etc. In order to avoid wasting valuable “experiment” time with these chores, he invented a robot to do them.
    The robot, which he named ‘George’, would spend an hour or two each day cleaning up the kitchen, doing dishes, that sort of thing, then it would go back to its closet and recharge until the next day. The scientist discovered that it was best for his schedule if the robot did the chores in the morning, so he programmed it for that.
    As mad scientists are wont to do, our friend had his whole life on a schedule and that included grocery shopping. Every two weeks, on Monday, from 9 to 10 AM he would do his shopping, purchasing enough groceries to last for the two weeks until his next trip. Every other Monday, at 10 AM, he would return home and put his groceries away.
    This Monday, however, was different. He dropped the sacks into the kitchen, told the robot to put away the groceries, and returned to his work.
    When he went into the kitchen for lunch, all was as usual; the kitchen was sparkling, the groceries put up.
    The scientist was quite proud of his accomplishment until he opened the fridge. Everything in it was wrapped in aluminum foil! He opened the cupboards; again, every grocery item he had just purchased was wrapped in foil!
    The scientist immediately pulled out his programming records for the robot and spent 2 days puzzling over them. He could find no error, no problem, nothing to explain why the robot had wrapped everything in foil. He decided to try an experiment, so he went a bought a few things from the store and brought them back. He instructed the robot to put them away, and stayed to watch.
    The robot performed perfectly, with one exception, it did not cut the larger chunks of meat into smaller chunks and wrap them up for freezing, even though it was programmed to do so.
    The scientist bought more groceries and tried several experiments, and it was always the same: If no groceries needed repackaging, the robot did quite well. If some groceries needed repackaging, but the robot was left alone, it would wrap everything. If the scientist stayed with the robot it would refuse to repackage anything.
    After several days of trying to make the perverse hardware perform correctly, the mad scientist was finally forced to admit defeat. However, he never lost his sense of humor, which caused him to remark, “A watched ‘bot never foils!”
    /l ,[____],
    l---L -OlllllllO-
    ()_)-()_)-o-)_)

    ...the prince of puns,the baron of buffoonery, the king of comedy, the wizard of whoopie!

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    Re: Danger Will Robinson!! ****SAT WARNING*****

    Mildly amusing. 6.0
    If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck!

    WTB-AIMS 74 cleaning kit

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    Re: Danger Will Robinson!! ****SAT WARNING*****

    The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered.

    "Interesting," the newsman thought.

    He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director.

    The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.





    She smiled and explained,

    "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
    "There really is something broken between your ears. You know this, yes?" - Redbear

    Closed captioned for the drinking impaired. Wait...

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    Re: Danger Will Robinson!! ****SAT WARNING*****

    ^EPIC FAIL!!!
    /l ,[____],
    l---L -OlllllllO-
    ()_)-()_)-o-)_)

    ...the prince of puns,the baron of buffoonery, the king of comedy, the wizard of whoopie!

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    Re: Danger Will Robinson!! ****SAT WARNING*****

    Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

    A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.
    The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

    However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.

    By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

    MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

    The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

    The conclusion was that while all the lookout crows could say "Cah", none could say "Truck."

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    Re: Danger Will Robinson!! ****SAT WARNING*****

    Quote Originally Posted by Rotdorn
    ^EPIC FAIL!!!
    X2
    /l ,[____],
    l---L -OlllllllO-
    ()_)-()_)-o-)_)

    ...the prince of puns,the baron of buffoonery, the king of comedy, the wizard of whoopie!

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    Re: Danger Will Robinson!! ****SAT WARNING*****

    Its getting near Christmas time and the little terror, Johnny wants a new bike. So he goes to his Mom and begs for a bike. She tells little Johnny that if he writes a letter to Jesus, promising to be good for a whole year, then maybe he will get a bike for Christmas. Excited at the prospect of getting a new bike, little Johnny runs upstairs to his room and begins writing a letter to Jesus.
    "Dear Jesus, I promise to be good for a whole year if you help Mom get me a new bike". Johnny sits back and thinks for a minute. Wow, a whole year, 365 days. I can't be good for a whole year. He tears up the letter and starts over.
    "Dear Jesus, I promise to be good for a whole month if you help...." Johnny stops and thinks, a whole month, 30 days. I don't think I can do it. He starts again.
    "Dear Jesus, I promise I will be good for one day if you help Mom get me a new bike". Johnny stops and ponders. One day, surely I can be good for one day? Its only 24 hours. Doubts are creeping into Johnny's mind. One whole day, 24 STRAIGHT hours. Just then, like a lightening bolt across the sky, Johnny has an epiphany. Noticing a statue of Mary, the Mother of Jesus sitting on his desk, he grabs the statue, whips open the bottom drawer and throws her in and begins writing an new letter.
    "Dear Jesus, if you ever want to see you Mother alive again..."
    When you're the Big Dog, the fleas want to take you down. Fact of life.
    Everyone's beautiful on the inside, until I'm through with them.

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    Re: Danger Will Robinson!! ****SAT WARNING*****

    My god, it's contagious!
    WTB Magazines: Bosnian Single Rib, Pakistani Steel 40 Round, Egyptian Waffle, and all other rare 7.62x39 magazines.

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    Re: Danger Will Robinson!! ****SAT WARNING*****

    Posers! One and all!! .....and really bad ones at that!
    /l ,[____],
    l---L -OlllllllO-
    ()_)-()_)-o-)_)

    ...the prince of puns,the baron of buffoonery, the king of comedy, the wizard of whoopie!

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    Re: Danger Will Robinson!! ****SAT WARNING*****

    Quote Originally Posted by sniper48
    Its getting near Christmas time and the little terror, Johnny wants a new bike. So he goes to his Mom and begs for a bike. She tells little Johnny that if he writes a letter to Jesus, promising to be good for a whole year, then maybe he will get a bike for Christmas. Excited at the prospect of getting a new bike, little Johnny runs upstairs to his room and begins writing a letter to Jesus.
    "Dear Jesus, I promise to be good for a whole year if you help Mom get me a new bike". Johnny sits back and thinks for a minute. Wow, a whole year, 365 days. I can't be good for a whole year. He tears up the letter and starts over.
    "Dear Jesus, I promise to be good for a whole month if you help...." Johnny stops and thinks, a whole month, 30 days. I don't think I can do it. He starts again.
    "Dear Jesus, I promise I will be good for one day if you help Mom get me a new bike". Johnny stops and ponders. One day, surely I can be good for one day? Its only 24 hours. Doubts are creeping into Johnny's mind. One whole day, 24 STRAIGHT hours. Just then, like a lightening bolt across the sky, Johnny has an epiphany. Noticing a statue of Mary, the Mother of Jesus sitting on his desk, he grabs the statue, whips open the bottom drawer and throws her in and begins writing an new letter.
    "Dear Jesus, if you ever want to see you Mother alive again..."
    "There really is something broken between your ears. You know this, yes?" - Redbear

    Closed captioned for the drinking impaired. Wait...

  12. #11
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    Re: Danger Will Robinson!! ****SAT WARNING*****

    I'm Your Huckleberry

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    Re: Danger Will Robinson!! ****SAT WARNING*****

    What a gaggle of suckage. I didn't know you could catch it.
    3.5 for the whole mess.
    I would rather be the hammer than the anvil.- Erwin Rommel

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    Re: Danger Will Robinson!! ****SAT WARNING*****

    I will NOT tolerate this insolence! The entire board will be punished for your irreverent behavior!
    /l ,[____],
    l---L -OlllllllO-
    ()_)-()_)-o-)_)

    ...the prince of puns,the baron of buffoonery, the king of comedy, the wizard of whoopie!

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    Re: Danger Will Robinson!! ****SAT WARNING*****

    these two nuns walked into a bar, one looks at the other and says " I didnt see it either" .


    this termite walks into a bar and asks is the bar tender here?

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    Re: Danger Will Robinson!! ****SAT WARNING*****

    Quote Originally Posted by Rotdorn
    I will NOT tolerate this insolence! The entire board will be punished for your irreverent behavior!
    Punished? Punished you say? For what, I ask thee? For bringing laughter and joy to the masses here at the akforum? Punished? Good sir, this Saturday was the first in a very long time that people were actually laughing OUT LOUD at the jokes posted, except for the OP's "joke". Punished? Bah! I think NOT!
    When you're the Big Dog, the fleas want to take you down. Fact of life.
    Everyone's beautiful on the inside, until I'm through with them.

 

 
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